Literally all week these three things have been on my mind:
- Clean your room.
- Get a job.
- BLOG.
I've had this blog going for a while but I never realized how much I love doing it until I realized that I want people to see the real me, whatever me I'm hiding from the world is what I want people to see on here. Even if I am not really hiding anything about myself when I am out in the world, I think that there is always a part of me that is churning to get out, and it just won't. Just for that odd reason that I can not yet figure out yet. I think there's a part of me that some people have seen, (mostly talking about a few select friends back in Virginia, and most of the Work Crew) but I don't really show that to most people on the first meet & greet just because I think this would be their first reaction, "who the heck is this girl, and why is she acting this way?" I think when I'm around people I'm pretty much in love with, in the best way, I act totally myself because that me isn't afraid to be myself and be WEIRD. One thing I'm slightly struggling with is putting that girl out to the world, because that's the "me" that I love and that I wish everyone could see. It's the crazy Lily, not the shy, outspoken Lily. Now there's times where this weird me comes out, like in a couple of my classes I get that look from people that's like, "hmm.. there's something different about this girl, and I can't tell whether it's good, bad, or just plain old weird!" I'm glad that I'm slowly coming back to myself, I guess I'm just scared about what other people will think about me, especially in this new atmosphere.
Tonight, for the first time in a while, I got to hang out with some friends. Some old, some new. Usually when an opportunity like this comes about, I always find a way out of it. I always lie and say that my mom wants me home even though I know she could really care less. It's just that it's either a hit or miss with me, I'm going to be really shy, and I'm not going to know what to say and feel completely out of place.. or I will be the fun, out going girl I usually am. I got a little alone time before hanging out with these kids so I just talked to God and flat out said, "I'm tired of not having a social life anymore God, I want to be fun, I want to be me. Don't let me hold anything back!" And just like that, God answered my prayers. I'm glad to say I could finally be myself without having to be around people that I know I can be myself around, or without having alcohol or drugs around. It brings me so much joy that the Lord has such different plans for me, and that I can totally see Him forming this amazing path for my life. (Even though some parts may definitely be rocky, I know He's got a plan, and that's what keeps me content when I even think about worrying.)
I guess I just wanted to share that, just because it really showed me that God is still there, even when I'm not reading or praying as much as I should be. It taught me that God can really do anything, and that nothing is impossible for Him, even with the smallest things. I believe this so much because I can honestly see myself being so shy tonight, especially with the people I was with.. and I wasn't! God. Is. So. Great. Enough said!
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." -Matthew 6:33-34
Lay it all out at his feet. Flat out talk to Him, He is listening and He always will be!
Most apologies for the longer post.. I guess I just got a little excited :)
Happy Sunday :)
